Carlos Guillen Had Hemorrhoids; Missed Game Action

Detroit Tigers utility man Carlos Guillen had an unfortunate case of hemorrhoids last week, which caused him to miss some games.

Jim Leyland, the old school manager of the Tigers who used to smoke in the dugout when he managed the Pittsburgh Pirates, announced Guillen's condition to the media. Guillen appreciated that he told everyone that his asshole hurts, and that his manager didn't make something up like "he tweaked a hammy" or "he layed in the tanning bed too long" or "he cut himself opening a CD" or "he was throwing away some watermelons".

Guillen declined to comment on his severe condition for this story, and only asked, "Why is an asshole like you asking me about my asshole?" The author had no comment.



As always, the Bibguy has prepared a quick diagram for your review, just in case you ever wanted to know about the phenomenon known as the hemorrhoid (go ahead and disregard that 'MedicineNet, Inc. copyright...I'm not sure how that got on there...I drew this, DAMMIT!) :


...and here's a picture of a real hemorrhoid, in case you wondered what they look like:


If you have any questions, make sure to let me know.